What a strange journey
This weekend I went down a rabbit hole, searching for an old password to a site I hadn’t frequented since before 2010. I don’t have access to the email account that I used when signing up so it was imperative that I find the password saved somewhere. I get pretty obsessive about things especially when I am faced with challenges so I was sucked into the quest of retrieving this password and gaining access to this site.
Password Hunt
To do this, I ended up unearthing an old laptop that I used before 2008, brought it upstairs, and fired it up. I’ve done a good job over the years of backing up my old stuff, so I do have all the documents and files from that laptop elsewhere. But I just have to say, opening up that old Windows XP laptop and seeing all my stuff as it was in 2007 before my child was born, before my life went through another decade of strife and change? Well, it hit me hard.
Woah Nostalgia
I reeled from the nostalgia. All my old web development stuff, stuff I haven’t looked at in ten years, all on that laptop. All my old graphic design stuff. The coding and images for all the personal websites I’ve ever had. All my writing… the poems, fanfiction, drabbles, work logs, SOPs. Just so much.
It Made Me Remember
It made me remember who I was then. I reflected on that person and how different I am now. It was as if I was meeting myself, myself from ten years ago, today. I was a different person then, and so I was able to see myself in the way I was. It was like I had time-traveled from ten years ago and was having a conversation with myself.
Surreal
It was.. surreal in many ways. It grounded me in a way I haven’t felt in a while, it was such a strong reminder of myself and my journey. And I needed it. I think it’s normal for one to flounder every now and then. Wonder what we are doing, and why. I’m really struggling this year — with my mental health, with my job, with my life — and I needed a reminder of myself.
Who was I then? Who am I now?
The me from ten years ago had problems too, but I feel like I was more solid in my sense of self at that point in my life than I have been since my child was born, since my marriage dissolved, since I moved back to Georgia, since I went to grad school, since I moved to Athens, since several relationships full of poor choices stemming from bad decisions and desperate mindsets.
I need to meet myself again
In other words, I really needed to find that snapshot of myself and drink it all in like I was a person having walked through a desert. Today I’ve felt different. I needed to meet myself again.
