Just paid for another year of hosting so I suppose I should remember to blog more than a few times in the next year. Hopeful that this can happen! I’m working doing summer work and can’t wait for some beach time in the next month. Summer is why I became a teacher!
A few months after I bought a house in July, I found that my basement leaks when it rains hard/for a few days. What a nightmare. In February I had a company come out to assess the situation. They proposed some major basement waterproofing and I had that done Wednesday and Thursday this week. They put in the water guard and hopefully no more leaking. I have never in my life felt more like Sisyphus in my life than trying to keep the water from coming into the basement after a few days of rain.
Life has been so busy that I forgot to journal online. Not that anyone noticed. I have been working on my journaling skills offline, and it’s been helping me greatly to deal with the ups and downs life tends to throw in my path. I’ve been working hard at work and relaxing hard at home. Seeking to find a good work/home balance. My boyfriend and I broke up. It hurt. I am more isolated and lonely than I’ve been in a long time. So journaling offline has been a great help to work through the new baggage I have to add to my other baggage. Which is indeed adding up to a lot of baggage to carry around with me. Bitter? That’s me.
Work life is good. Working with kids is crazy but good. I love my job. I love speaking French. Teaching it is challenging and rewarding. I wish my students spoke better French but I think they are doing ok.
Exercise life is rough going these days. I am still trying to find the energy and time to exercise at the end of the day but it’s so hard. I look back to just a few years ago when I was losing all that weight and was in such good shape and what speaks to me is the large amount of free time I had and was able to devote said time to working out. Morning gym time twice a week. Night zumba, kettlebell and kick boxing classes a few times a week. I would spend more time at the gym than anywhere else. And living with my family meant that I was not in charge of meal prep either. So not to make excuses but I don’t have that kind of free time anymore. By the time I get home from work it’s 5:00 at the earliest and dinner has to be made. I was wasting $44 at the gym every month so I froze my account. I have workout stuff in the basement and I should ostensibly be able to use it. I hardly ever do tough and this is frustrating. It’s a goal to find a better balance soon.
House is getting repaired soon to the tune of $7k. The basement leaking problem that surprised me soon after buying was not cool. And must get fixed.
Life, it’s a crazy thing. I’ll figure it out eventually.
I loved this book. It featured most of the pop-culture and geek things that were important to me when I was a kid, and the story was compelling. A bit far fetched but I could suspend my disbelief because they were in a virtual reality. I enjoyed the dystopian aspect and would like to see a sequel deal more with what is going on in the real world and what can be done to save it. Overall I liked this book a lot.
First, go read this article. This is what I am freaking out about: Happy Halloween! Tips to protect yourself from Emotional Zombies & Vampires. | Rebelle Society. Then come back to me.
Yikes. I think I’m both. An emotional vampire and zombie. This crushes my sense of confidence and self and I had a rough day yesterday. Hell I have had a rough week. I probably need help. This article sort of made me have a huge day long panic attack. Which means I needed to read it, no matter the unpleasant emotions it made me feel. Emotions are not good or bad. It is ok to feel them. I need to remember to not be a zombie and let myself feel them. And to heal. And I need to not be an addictive personality emotional vampire and remember to not seek to validate my existence through the attention of others. This quote really got to me:
Most monster behavior involves self-focus and in some cases turns into a hijacking of the self by the shadow. Vampires represent the addict archetype. A Vampire’s very existence depends on sustenance that comes from an unsustainable source. Similarly, addicts rely on something external (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.) to fill a void and make them feel more alive.
I need to keep these in mind:
What are MEPS? Mental, Emotional, Physical and Spiritual nuggets of goodness that you can apply immediately.
MEPS Keys for Monsters:
M (mental): Practice the following mantra:
Vampires: I easily meet my own needs.
Zombies: It is safe for me to feel and heal.
E (emotional): Feel your underlying feelings and seek out healing.
Vampires: Feel and heal the emotional issues around attachment.
Zombies: Feel the emotions you are resisting. Emotional flow will bring you back to life!
P (physical): Maintain a safe distance from possible victims. Engaging with others when you are in ‘monster-mode’ will only harm your relationships.
S (spiritual): Be honest with yourself. Nurture yourself. Achieve a balanced energy exchange in your interactions.
The problem is patriarchy itself, not the particular form relationships take.
GOOD NEWS that I forgot to share: I was able to save my infrastructure of 200 servers by selling my Mercedes S500. terminable on 11.paid: 17
— Frank (@opportunities) July 22, 2013
I just had a crazy dream about Snow White being killed by two devious girls who revered cluthulu because their house had a portrait of an octopus hanging in it. I was one of the girls who was not really meaning to kill Snow White but instead was yearning dreadfully to be with someone who had been exiled. The town was old and weird. A city bus picked up the trash and I got on it and ended up back in time before the guy was exiled. I was going to clear his name. That’s when I woke up.
Y’all I have some crazy dreams. I told my boyfriend I need to sleep with him so he can hug me and stop me from having these insane thoughts in my head.
I couldn’t find you and I said mama and saw your hair and ran to you. You were behind Downtown Cafe. I went out and I found a tractor and I drove it and everything was very upside down. and I couldn’t find you and I really had to drive the tractor I ran to it and I pressed all the buttons I could to stop. And I found you and we went somewhere special and everything was very good and that part was very good and that was the end.