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Feb 20

Life..

Posted on Saturday, February 20, 2016 in Exercise, Life, Personal

Life has been so busy that I forgot to journal online. Not that anyone noticed. I have been working on my journaling skills offline, and it’s been helping me greatly to deal with the ups and downs life tends to throw in my path. I’ve been working hard at work and relaxing hard at home. Seeking to find a good work/home balance. My boyfriend and I broke up. It hurt. I am more isolated and lonely than I’ve been in a long time. So journaling offline has been a great help to work through the new baggage I have to add to my other baggage. Which is indeed adding up to a lot of baggage to carry around with me. Bitter? That’s me.

Work life is good. Working with kids is crazy but good. I love my job. I love speaking French. Teaching it is challenging and rewarding. I wish my students spoke better French but I think they are doing ok.

Exercise life is rough going these days. I am still trying to find the energy and time to exercise at the end of the day but it’s so hard. I look back to just a few years ago when I was losing all that weight and was in such good shape and what speaks to me is the large amount of free time I had and was able to devote said time to working out. Morning gym time twice a week. Night zumba, kettlebell and kick boxing classes a few times a week. I would spend more time at the gym than anywhere else. And living with my family meant that I was not in charge of meal prep either. So not to make excuses but I don’t have that kind of free time anymore. By the time I get home from work it’s 5:00 at the earliest and dinner has to be made. I was wasting $44 at the gym every month so I froze my account. I have workout stuff in the basement and I should ostensibly be able to use it. I hardly ever do tough and this is frustrating. It’s a goal to find a better balance soon.

House is getting repaired soon to the tune of $7k. The basement leaking problem that surprised me soon after buying was not cool. And must get fixed.

Life, it’s a crazy thing. I’ll figure it out eventually.

Nov 1

Oh god, a moment of self realization

Posted on Friday, November 1, 2013 in Life, Personal

First, go read this article. This is what I am freaking out about: Happy Halloween! Tips to protect yourself from Emotional Zombies & Vampires. | Rebelle Society. Then come back to me.

Yikes. I think I’m both. An emotional vampire and zombie. This crushes my sense of confidence and self and I had a rough day yesterday. Hell I have had a rough week. I probably need help. This article sort of made me have a huge day long panic attack. Which means I needed to read it, no matter the unpleasant emotions it made me feel. Emotions are not good or bad. It is ok to feel them. I need to remember to not be a zombie and let myself feel them. And to heal. And I need to not be an addictive personality emotional vampire and remember to not seek to validate my existence through the attention of others. This quote really got to me:

Most monster behavior involves self-focus and in some cases turns into a hijacking of the self by the shadow. Vampires represent the addict archetype. A Vampire’s very existence depends on sustenance that comes from an unsustainable source. Similarly, addicts rely on something external (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.) to fill a void and make them feel more alive.

I need to keep these in mind:

What are MEPS? Mental, Emotional, Physical and Spiritual nuggets of goodness that you can apply immediately.
MEPS Keys for Monsters:
M (mental): Practice the following mantra:
Vampires: I easily meet my own needs.
Zombies: It is safe for me to feel and heal.
E (emotional): Feel your underlying feelings and seek out healing.
Vampires: Feel and heal the emotional issues around attachment.
Zombies: Feel the emotions you are resisting. Emotional flow will bring you back to life!
P (physical): Maintain a safe distance from possible victims. Engaging with others when you are in ‘monster-mode’ will only harm your relationships.

S (spiritual): Be honest with yourself. Nurture yourself. Achieve a balanced energy exchange in your interactions.

Sep 4

Martha and George go to the Mechanical Masquerade

Posted on Wednesday, September 4, 2013 in All Things Geek, Personal

Your Mojo By Jojo

Martha and George Washington, Airship Pirate and Admiral, Go to the Mechanical Masquerade. Photo courtesy of http://www.yourmojobyjojo.com/

Martha and George Washington, Airship Pirate and Admiral, Go to the Mechanical Masquerade. Photo courtesy of http://www.yourmojobyjojo.com/

Jul 29

Wonder when he’ll pay child support?

Posted on Monday, July 29, 2013 in Personal

Feb 5

Crazy Dream

Posted on Tuesday, February 5, 2013 in Personal

Dream:

I was in a breakfast place with Mia, and heard French being spoken, so went up to the people and started talking to them. three people. very cool people, dressed interestingly and had neat hair and piercings. I guess that’s what I think is cool.

Mia was with me and we talked with them for a bit and I asked Mia to tell them hello in French, etc.

Then we shifted to driving in the car, I was with them. We were going somewhere where there was a mission, these people were like spies or something. Then we were at a store and getting ready to intercept someone. I saw a thing of yarn that would make a Nintendo character pattern when knit up. I tried to buy it but I had to be a citizen of another country to buy it, I couldn’t buy it since I was american.

Then we shifted and I was the assassin or spy. I was in a bathroom putting on a fancy cocktail dress. I might have had to marry someone or kill them or something. He was Asian. The dress was teal satin type material with black swirly designs on it. I had high heels, my hair was done and I had on pretty makeup. I was nervous about the plot going right.

Then it turned out that the plan had been revealed as I was driving to where ever and the mission aborted.

Then it turned bad, I heard M (she was already up and so playing and I could hear her in my dream) and a bird chirping three times. In my dream that was a signal that I had failed so to take out what was important to me — M. I woke in a panic because of that.

Dec 22

Facebook in Rural Georgia

Posted on Saturday, December 22, 2012 in Personal, Web

I have to hide so many Facebook posts from local people. Why do so many rural Georgians have to be racist and bigoted? UGH. And why is is always about Obama? I get that they are conservative. But many posts cross the line, with the tone and intentions. How do they think they sound? I think sound very un-American, while they claim to be so very patriotic.

Now, I am not one to debate on Facebook and my days of being vocally political are very much over. So I just hide the posts. Debating politics with people makes me feel vastly uncomfortable. But all the same, it makes me sad realizing that these people, who I am friends with on a social level and say hello to when I see them, that these same people have these political ideals that are so diametrically opposed to mine. It sounds like I’m confusing conservatism and being racist and I am not. I am cognizant that most conservatives are not racist. Right? But I have to hide posts nearly every day and I’m weary.

Is this a tenable situation, living among people who just cannot accept a black person being president? I don’t know. For the most part I ignore it. I certainly cannot change their opinions. But these things, they make me sick.

Nov 11

Protected: Pour L’Un.

Posted on Sunday, November 11, 2012 in Personal

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Nov 8

Protected: For One

Posted on Thursday, November 8, 2012 in Personal

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Nov 2

Protected: This post, is for one person only.

Posted on Friday, November 2, 2012 in Personal

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