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Feb 20


Posted on Saturday, February 20, 2016 in Exercise, Life, Personal

Life has been so busy that I forgot to journal online. Not that anyone noticed. I have been working on my journaling skills offline, and it’s been helping me greatly to deal with the ups and downs life tends to throw in my path. I’ve been working hard at work and relaxing hard at home. Seeking to find a good work/home balance. My boyfriend and I broke up. It hurt. I am more isolated and lonely than I’ve been in a long time. So journaling offline has been a great help to work through the new baggage I have to add to my other baggage. Which is indeed adding up to a lot of baggage to carry around with me. Bitter? That’s me.

Work life is good. Working with kids is crazy but good. I love my job. I love speaking French. Teaching it is challenging and rewarding. I wish my students spoke better French but I think they are doing ok.

Exercise life is rough going these days. I am still trying to find the energy and time to exercise at the end of the day but it’s so hard. I look back to just a few years ago when I was losing all that weight and was in such good shape and what speaks to me is the large amount of free time I had and was able to devote said time to working out. Morning gym time twice a week. Night zumba, kettlebell and kick boxing classes a few times a week. I would spend more time at the gym than anywhere else. And living with my family meant that I was not in charge of meal prep either. So not to make excuses but I don’t have that kind of free time anymore. By the time I get home from work it’s 5:00 at the earliest and dinner has to be made. I was wasting $44 at the gym every month so I froze my account. I have workout stuff in the basement and I should ostensibly be able to use it. I hardly ever do tough and this is frustrating. It’s a goal to find a better balance soon.

House is getting repaired soon to the tune of $7k. The basement leaking problem that surprised me soon after buying was not cool. And must get fixed.

Life, it’s a crazy thing. I’ll figure it out eventually.

Nov 1

Oh god, a moment of self realization

Posted on Friday, November 1, 2013 in Life, Personal

First, go read this article. This is what I am freaking out about: Happy Halloween! Tips to protect yourself from Emotional Zombies & Vampires. | Rebelle Society. Then come back to me.

Yikes. I think I’m both. An emotional vampire and zombie. This crushes my sense of confidence and self and I had a rough day yesterday. Hell I have had a rough week. I probably need help. This article sort of made me have a huge day long panic attack. Which means I needed to read it, no matter the unpleasant emotions it made me feel. Emotions are not good or bad. It is ok to feel them. I need to remember to not be a zombie and let myself feel them. And to heal. And I need to not be an addictive personality emotional vampire and remember to not seek to validate my existence through the attention of others. This quote really got to me:

Most monster behavior involves self-focus and in some cases turns into a hijacking of the self by the shadow. Vampires represent the addict archetype. A Vampire’s very existence depends on sustenance that comes from an unsustainable source. Similarly, addicts rely on something external (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.) to fill a void and make them feel more alive.

I need to keep these in mind:

What are MEPS? Mental, Emotional, Physical and Spiritual nuggets of goodness that you can apply immediately.
MEPS Keys for Monsters:
M (mental): Practice the following mantra:
Vampires: I easily meet my own needs.
Zombies: It is safe for me to feel and heal.
E (emotional): Feel your underlying feelings and seek out healing.
Vampires: Feel and heal the emotional issues around attachment.
Zombies: Feel the emotions you are resisting. Emotional flow will bring you back to life!
P (physical): Maintain a safe distance from possible victims. Engaging with others when you are in ‘monster-mode’ will only harm your relationships.

S (spiritual): Be honest with yourself. Nurture yourself. Achieve a balanced energy exchange in your interactions.

Nov 1

Polyamory: Not Harmful to Society

Posted on Friday, November 1, 2013 in Life

The problem is patriarchy itself, not the particular form relationships take.

via Polyamory: Not Harmful to Society | Angi Becker Stevens.

Jul 9

Yet another dream post

Posted on Tuesday, July 9, 2013 in Dreams

I just had a crazy dream about Snow White being killed by two devious girls who revered cluthulu because their house had a portrait of an octopus hanging in it. I was one of the girls who was not really meaning to kill Snow White but instead was yearning dreadfully to be with someone who had been exiled. The town was old and weird. A city bus picked up the trash and I got on it and ended up back in time before the guy was exiled. I was going to clear his name. That’s when I woke up.

Y’all I have some crazy dreams. I told my boyfriend I need to sleep with him so he can hug me and stop me from having these insane thoughts in my head.

May 8

Crazy Dream Post

Posted on Wednesday, May 8, 2013 in Dreams

I wish I could write down with clarity what I dream, because every night is an adventure. Last night I dreamed that I was visiting some place called Red Hill, Georgia. The city was on the Alabama border, in the middle of the state. Maybe off of I-20. This city is completely fictitious.The town had two famous restaurants, a diner named the Grey Valet and one other. My friend complained that the Papa John’s pizza delivery took forever from there.

The house I was living in had lizards running around on the floor in my bedroom and a huge fluffy day bed with flowers on the duvet. But I had to sleep on the couch.

There was a famous zombie parade going on the day of my dream. The whole town seemed to be involved. Half the town dressed as zombies and the rest of the town chased them as civilian vigilantes. Children were excited, there was an air of excitement about the parade/celebration. I was on the sidelines and kids were running past me. Zombies were walking up the middle of the road, all decked out in makeup looking goulish.

The thing about dreams is, I guess, that they drive off of emotions and feelings and intuition, which for me are hard to convey when I describe what I was seeing. There was more about the bedroom that I don’t remember now, but it was about fish and water.

Mar 23

This sucks. Wut.

Posted on Saturday, March 23, 2013 in Sleep


Mar 20

Started a compost pile

Posted on Wednesday, March 20, 2013 in Life

We just started a compost pile and we’re still learning how the hell to do it. I read this article on what I can compost, and I think it’s a good resource. I am sort of in the dark still. I just know that I have understood how much I can reduce my carbon footprint by simply reducing the amount of trash my house creates. I need to live better. My boyfriend has helped me to re-evaluate once more my eating habits. No longer is my main goal to  cut calories to lose weight, but I want to eat really healthy and locally. I’m going through a revolution of sorts in that area and want to create less trash in the process. Compost is great right? I want a garden and it needs fertilizing. Oh hey I create a bunch of trash in my daily life a lot of which can be used as fertilizer. Hey, there’s an idea.

Mar 6

Over time things average out

Posted on Wednesday, March 6, 2013 in Sleep


Feb 27

Clear dream cycle

Posted on Wednesday, February 27, 2013 in Sleep


What good sleep I got for once. Whiskey and coke before bed did its job.

Feb 27

2 hour dream cycle

Posted on Wednesday, February 27, 2013 in Sleep